So long as I haven’t messed up any of my paperwork, my divorce will be final this week. I began the process of filing Pro Se (without a lawyer) and In Forma Pauperis (fee free) in October of 2016.
The whole process was a bit overwhelming, but with the arrest dating back to June of 2013, I’d finally gone through all the cognitive garbage I needed to go through to come to the decision to file for that divorce.
I know. It doesn’t seem like it should be a hard thing to do. But it was, for me. Partly because I was so invested. I tend to want to go down with the ship whenever I’ve gotten my hands good and dirty with anything.
My hands were filthy as all get out on this one.
Thanatos, folks. Self-destruction instinct. But then again, I’m glad I’m getting the divorce going into four years since the inciting incident. Really, I feel like it’s taken me this long to process the whole sordid affair, and in the time I’ve spent putting off the inevitable I’ve been carefully calculating every single one of my next moves.
Every decision I’ve made regarding my (soon to be officially ex) husband, his relationship with our daughters, my relationship with him, and how all of this is going to work from here on out…it’s all been crafted meticulously. I feel like if I’d rushed the divorce I’d have lost that ability to focus on divorcing strategically. A lot might have been lost in that rush. A lot might have been done impulsively. The way I did it gave me time to settle my child support without having to complicate the divorce process with it.
In fact, going for support before divorce is the reason I was able to file the divorce Pro Se at all. And, ladies, listen. Listen well. If you’re going to get a divorce and your husband is going to sign off on it, if your support is already on the books and you have no assets to divide (or can divide them amicably) do yourself the financial favor of looking into whether or not you can file Pro Se.
I paid $9.50 for my divorce which, so long as I haven’t made any mistakes on the final steps I filed this afternoon, should be official by the end of the week.
I paid $3.00 for copies.
I paid $6.50 to take back my maiden name.
The cheapest divorce I could find – handled by lawyers for me – was over $300. From there it went up to $800 and from there, to include support with it, I’d have paid over $1,500.
I can think of a lot of ways to throw an epic “I’m divorced” party for that kind of cheddar.
I also pulled out my wedding scrapbook. Everything happened so fast after the wedding – finding out why they put that warning on birth control that it doesn’t always work and all – that I’d never filled it with wedding stuff. It’s a nice little scrapbook with plastic sleeves, “Happily Ever After” written across the front.
So I’ve decided to repurpose it. My wedding was anything but happy ever after.
Things can only go up from my divorce day.
The first page of the scrapbook will be my Certificate to Resume Prior Name.
The gold seal makes it so official.
And, that said, I’m actually not opposed to finding someone new. Someone less…well. Someone more grown up. That’s why this Minchin Monday is a celebration of the statistical likelihood that someone I’d find lovely and pleasant for the remainder of my days is out there. And that I could find them. And that there are plenty to pick from. Although, let me be crystal clear: I am not going looking for them. As my friend Ellen said to me the other day, regarding her choice to give up looking at the age of 30, “actually, I’d kind of just given up, which I think created a vacuum that sucked him neatly into my life.”
And her him is pretty much perfect for her.
I like the result she got from that strategy. Which is why my only plan is to adopt it.
And now, a song of math and love.
It’s beautiful. Like TimTim. Timtimminy Timtimminy Tim Tim Taroo.
Ok. That’ll do.